Part IX:  Not Only Skin Deep

    "I'll never forgive him.  NEVER!"  Kaoru was positively fuming, and Ekkusu watched her in mild bemusement.  Such extremes were not unusual for the younger woman to express.  "This time he's gone TOO FAR!  How DARE he?!"  She paced furiously, her towel pulled close around her.
    Somehow, from the young sensei's ranting, Ekkusu was able to gather that Kenshin had walked in on her in the bath.  Again.  Apparently, this wasn't an unusual occurrence and hadn't been since day one, but apparently he'd completely walked in this time and then claimed he hadn't known she was in there.
    "How can he not know I was in the bath?  He did it on purpose!  I KNOW he did!"  She continued raving and pacing but Ekkusu slowly tuned out her hysterical words.  Some people didn't know when they had it good.  She put a hand to her abdomen, feeling the scars in her mind as her fingers traced their pattern over her kimono.  No one would be happy to walk in on her in the bath, not when the hell her life had been was mapped out so clearly, so disgustingly on her own flesh.
    Kaoru didn't realize how good she had it.  Kenshin cared for her.  She was healthy and fit and she wasn't ugly below the neck.
    Rationality broke away suddenly.
    "Hush!  You don't know what you have to be thankful for!"  Ekkusu glared at the younger woman as she opened her kimono.  "Look at me.  Look at me and tell me what you see!"
    Kaoru stopped mid word.  The force of the older woman's voice cut through her frustration like Kenshin's sakabattou blade, and she looked.  Though it was nothing she hadn't seen before, an odd and overwhelming rush of jealous pity choked off her response.
    Megumi was beautiful.  This other Megumi was no less so, of course.  Full, firm breasts and a slim waist over hips that would have done well in childbirth made for a shape that any sane woman would envy (and some not so sane,) but her pale, smooth skin was interrupted by so many scars...  Some were small and fine, but most were dark and twisted, painful to look at and obviously had not healed well.  The occasional word or symbol, and the name of the one who had done it all, glared indelibly from the otherwise perfect figure.
    "Does this look to you like a body someone would want to see?  Would Kensan or anyone else ever want to walk into the bath on a body like this?"  She pulled her kimono close about her figure, falling silent for a long moment as the younger woman stared at her in shock.
    "Ekkususan...  I'm sorry...  I didn't think --"
    "No.  No, you didn't, and that's going to get you more trouble than not.  Maybe it's time you started," the scarred woman glared back, cold as ice and hard as wood.  She fastened the purple fabric securely as blood dripped down her face.
    "You're bleeding again," Kaoru said softly.  Ekkusu's only response was a condescending glance.  "I'm sorry, Ekkususan.  I truly am.  It really does make me uncomfortable when he walks in, and it's so easy to forget that you...  ahh..."  Kaoru trailed off, uncertain of what she might possibly say that wouldn't offend.  She had a feeling that nothing would work.
    "That I've been mutilated?"  Ekkusu looked at her evenly.  "That my skin is a road map of hell?  Isn't my face enough of a reminder?"
    The young sensei was close to panicking; this situation was clearly not in her control.  "It's just that I--"
    "Drop the subject.  It doesn't bear further discussion."  Ekkusu rose smoothly and left the room.  Clearly, in her own eyes, staying at the dojo was no longer an option.  Whether or not Kenshin and the others agreed was becoming less relevant.
    Takani Megumi stared at her reflection in the mirror and saw someone called Ekkusu, a woman scarred and bleeding still despite many months of healing.  She saw a healer, a woman whose deft hands bandaged a cross shaped scar given in hatred and accepted in rage and sorrow, a woman who had learned to care for someone against all her better judgment and paid the same price she'd always paid before.
    Loss.  It was beginning to seem as though every time she learned to love, she lost that person painfully.  Death would be preferable, she mused, but there was no way she could bring it on herself.  Not with Kenshin and the others watching over her like a flock of guardian angels.  She watched the bandage as it slowly seeped with red.
    If loss was to be her destiny, then so be it.  She would move on with her life completely, become a wanderer as Kenshin had, searching for something he couldn't even define anymore until he had found it.  Only there were a few differences; he had been a swordsman.  She had no fighting abilities; nothing marketable save her healing skills and -- perhaps, in desperation and a dark room -- her body.  It was not a new trade to her and she could handle it; it didn't mean she would like it, but she would do what she had to to keep herself sane until she died.
    "Just a way to pass the time," she said softly, and turned away from the mirror.  There were so many preparations to make.  One thing was certain: she would not tell the others until the day she left.
    She slipped outside quietly and headed in the direction of a new Western style clothing store that had opened up recently.  The first thing to do was find herself clothes and a new language.  The place was run by an English couple who spoke Japanese well, and Ekkusu's first thought was to begin learning their language.
    "Hello, can we help you?" the kindly looking woman asked with a saleswoman's smile.
    "I hope so.  I'd like to learn English."
    That clearly caught the proprietor by surprise.  "I see."
    "I'm planning to travel, but I'd like to know the language and then, before I leave the country, I'll be buying some clothing.  Would you happen to have any of those cotton pants, the very sturdy blue ones with the metal fastenings?"
    "Denim pants?  I believe so.  If not we can certainly order some."
    "That would be find, then.  And as for the lessons?
    "Well, I suppose we might arrange something, after all.  But why would a lovely young lady like you wish to travel so far away?"
    Trust a gaijin to make such a personal inquiry.  "I'm sorry.  My reasons are personal."
    "Of course," the woman replied with an understanding smile.  "Forgive me.  When would you like to begin?"
    "As soon as possible."
    Sanosuke leaned against the doorway.  What did the woman want foreign clothes and language for?  Where was she planning to go?  He didn't like the sound of this at all.  Of course, he realized he'd better not let her catch him there, or she'd know he had followed her.  It wasn't the first time he'd pulled something similar but that didn't make it better, nor would it lessen her reaction and he'd be dead meat.  No two ways about it.
    He made his way back to the dojo, his mind working furiously.  What he'd just heard was ludicrous.  Ekkusu had made a home here; why  could she possibly want to give it up?  She had friends and work and all that other stuff that seemed to have made her happy until now.  It led him to wonder what had happened to make her so suddenly fall apart.  He intended to mention it to Kenshin when he got back to the dojo, but apparently he hadn't even been the first to notice Ekkusu's behavior lately.  Kenshin was already talking to Kaoru and Yahiko about it when he poked his head inside.
    "Oiy, you'll never guess where I just was," he said as he sat.
    "Following Ekkusudono?"  Kenshin smiled at Sano's apparent surprise but the expression was short-lived.  "We were just talking about her.  What did you find out?"
    "She's leaving,"
    "Leaving?!"
    "Oro!?"
    "I knew she was upset this morning," Kaoru said slowly.  "I've never seen her so completely fall to pieces like she did, after, well..."  Her voice faded as she blushed furiously, looking down.  "We were -- well, I was a little upset after Kenshin walked in on me," she glared at him for a moment as she spoke.  "Anyway, I guess I was complaining a little."
    "You?  Complain a little?  Nah, you're KIDDING!"
    "Shut up, kid.  This ain't a joke."  Sano shifted the fish bone to the other side of his mouth as Kaoru nodded at him.
    "Anyway, she just, it was like she went crazy.  She showed me her scars," Kaoru's face reddened further with embarrassment.  "Most of them are healing well, I think, but she hates the fact that they're there.  She thinks they make her ugly."
    "Oro?"  Somehow the idea of Megumi thinking she was ugly just couldn't percolate through Kenshin's mind.  Judging from the reactions of the others, they has as much trouble with the thought.  The Megumi they knew had never been one to deny her assets.  However, if Ekkususan was anything like their Megumi, she would no doubt believe that the wounds to her body disfigured her.
    After a long moment, Sano's eyes narrowed.  "I wonder if having her talk to Aoshi would help."
    "I think you may actually have something there," Yahiko said.  "Amazing!"
    "Shut up, kid."
    "No, really.  Aoshi's got enough scars, it would make even her think twice."
    "She ain't ugly," Sano said, "but if she thinks the scars make her that way, maybe she needs a different perspective."
    Kaoru looked at him, surprised that he'd even admit that much.  "That is a good idea, Sano.  What do you think, Kenshin?"  They turned to the redheaded rurouni, but the expression on his face made Kaoru almost regret asking.
    Skeptical didn't even begin to describe it.  "I don't know.  Ekkusudono needs someone supporting, and Aoshi..."
    "Is a tightass."  The former gangster had no compunctions about how to describe the silent man.  He did have respect for the Oniwa Banshu's former Okashira, but he called things as he saw them.  Aoshi's silent, forbidding manner gave Sano the impression that he was self-centered and anal; no matter what he was like inside, that wasn't likely to change.  Sagara Sanosuke wasn't very flexible in his opinions.
    Kenshin gave him a look before continuing.  "It's true that he doesn't speak very much, and doesn't always say the kindest things when he does, but he may well be able to give Ekkusudono the perspective she needs.  The question is, will he?"
    "And how do we convince him..."
    The group fell into silence once more, each pondering this newest dilemma.  How COULd they convince the distant man to come to Tokyo and talk to Ekkusu?
    The thought came all at once, and three pairs of eyes met, three voices spoke as one.
    "Misao!"
    "I'll write her a letter and explain the situation.  I know she'll be thrilled to help out," Kaoru said, enthusiasm brightening her features once again.
    It was settled, and none too soon.  Ekkusu herself came in just as the "meeting" broke up, saying nothing and going directly to the room she shared with Kaoru.  She set the books she'd bought down on her futon, barely looking at them and tucking them under the blankets.  It would be rather hard to study without the others finding out.  She'd need to come up with a plausible story to explain this sudden desire to learn English, of all languages.  Her first lesson today had been very frustrating; the languages were so different!
    "I apologize, Kaoruchan.  I should not have snapped so at you earlier," she said quietly as the younger woman walked into the room.  Her formal tone took Kaoru by surprise, but not nearly as much as the apology itself.
    "It's all right, really.  I'm sorry, too."  The young sensei sat near her own futon, studying the other woman.  "Megumisan always called me a silly girl from the beginning.  Sometimes I think she isn't wrong," she admitted with a rueful smile.
    Ekkusu carefully said nothing.  Kaoru looked at her hands, folded in her lap, for a long moment before speaking again.
    "Sometimes it's easy to forget that you don't share our history.  And after what you've been through, you have a right to...  To be sensitive about it."  She spoke quietly, thinking each word out as she said it.  "I guess I should apologize, too.  I wasn't thinking clearly."
    It wasn't as much effort as Ekkusu had thought to repress the urge to say, "Do you ever?"  Instead she nodded.  "Accepted."  She thought about saying something else, but decided against it.  The others would learn the fullest extent of the truth soon enough.
    It didn't matter anymore what they thought.  She had to leave.  With scars like hers, no amount of "making nice" could heal her.  Instead, the only option she could see would be to move on completely.  No more coddling by these people who reminded her so much of her own lost life.  No more pangs of loss every time she saw Sanosuke.
    No more Kensan...