Part V - Never Say Goodbye

     "So you're really going, huh."  Kuro looked uncomfortable, standing at the edge of the circle the group made around the doctor.
     "I have to, Kuro.  Even if it isn't him...  I have to know."  Megumi's entire body reflected clearly to the others how  much finding out if her brother still lived meant to her.
     When Aoshi had received word from Aizu that someone had been found matching the description, if under a different name, Megumi's reaction had been as immediate as it was intense.  Nothing could have stopped her, and three days after, she was ready to leave and would do so in fact the next morning, by train.
     "Are you sure you want to go alone, Megumidono?"  At the familiar voice, the doctor turned.
     "Kensan?"  She stared, numb with shock.
     "I sent word to them as soon as I heard," Aoshi said.
     Even as she turned her head to glare at him accusingly, Kenshin was already shaking his.  "No, Megumidono, I came up on my own.  The others stayed behind, but they know I'm here."
     "You're not going to talk me out of going."
     Kenshin shook his head once more.  "Of course not.  I had no intention of doing so, but we wanted to make sure that you were all right.  Kaoru didn't think you ought to travel alone."
     If Megumi had thought she was surprised before, she froze as the words left Kenshin's lips.  It was hard on her, hearing him calling his wife "Kaoru" instead of "Kaorudono," but the enormity of the situation had her on very delicate footing to begin with.  She began to ponder fainting as an option, but it wasn't her way.
     "Aoshidono really didn't ask me to come, Megumidono."
     Too weird, she thought.  She didn't think she could ever recall hearing him add a dono to Aoshi's name.  No, this had to be a dream.  With her arms folded inside her sleeves, she pinched herself.  It hurt.
 "I'm going to Aizu, and I'm going alone.  There's no point in anyone coming with me.  Either it will be my brother or it won't be."
     "And if it is, Megumisan?" Omasu looked at her friend with an expression as carefully neutral as the others'.
     "Then I'll stay, and send word."
     No one wanted to ask the other obvious question.  "And if it isn't?" a soft voice finally asked.
     Megumi looked at Aoshi.  So did Kenshin -- and he finally began to understand.
     The woman took a deep breath.  "If it isn't...  I'll have to move on with my life.  Maybe I should stay there and reestablish the medical practice my family has had there for years, try to raise my family's name."
     "For what purpose, if you are the last?"   Aoshi's question was too soft for anyone but Kenshin to hear.  The redhead looked sharply at the taller man, but the latter's face was obscured in the shadows of the room and of his own hair.
     "You're always welcome here, Megumisan.  As long as any of us are here, you're always welcome with us."  Shiro had found it difficult to remain as calm as the others.  Emiko laid a gentle hand on his arm.
     "That goes for myself as well," she added as the other Oniwa Banshu nodded.
     "You always have a home in Tokyo, if you want," Kenshin pitched in.
     "No, not Tokyo I think, but thank you, Kensan."
     The former rurouni nodded.  Too often, he had had to reassure Kaoru that Megumi really did support them, and no, she was not really in love with him as far as he could tell.  He always phrased it carefully to sound that way, though he well knew the truth.  Kaoru had believed that Megumi had gone to Kyoto because of her concern for Jiya, more than anything else.  She had been extremely devoted to Genzaisensei during his rapid decline and had been with him constantly during his last few days, doing everything she could to ease his pain.  When the older doctor died, the younger woman had taken it extremely hard, locking herself in her room for several days.  She had hardly slept at all, and for the first few days after his funeral, she had done little else but rest and try to cope.  Their relationship had gone from co-workers, from a student-teacher relationship, to a deep and abiding friendship.  He had come to view Megumi as more than a niece, if not quite a daughter, and during his illness had told her how he wished he could have been her father, or at least her grandfather.  She had wanted to leave the room, unable to keep from crying and wanting to spare him that sight, but he bade her stay.  It had been very hard on her throughout.
     However, when they'd gotten the letter from Aoshi, Kenshin's suspicions had been confirmed about several things, and he'd decided to go to Kyoto to see for himself.  Jiya seemed to be in fair health, nor did Megumi seem to be hovering around him as she had tended to her colleague.
     If anything, it was more the other way around.  The old man always had been a bit of a letch.
     He, for a change, had been sitting rather quietly throughout the evening, looking thoughtful.  "It won't be the same without you around, Megumisensei," he said into the silence.  "Besides, won't you need a patient base to start?  I'll come with you!"  He was leering happily by the time he finished his first sentence, and she looked at him in surprise.
     "Okina, I don't understand why you would want to go all the way to Aizu.  Other than the obvious, of course," Ochika rolled her eyes, smiling with a mixture of indulgence and exasperation at her old friend.
     "Like I said, my dear, Megumisensei would need to start somewhere.  No one just walks into whatever doctor's office is around.  She needs to have patients to spread the word first!!  And who better than I!"
     Heads shook around the room.  Even Megumi had to smile a little.  "How about I send for you if I decide to stay?"
     "You're a lost cause, Megumisan," Omasu said drily.  "Both of you.  Okina, let it go.  I'm sure Megumisan will let you  know if she changes her mind.  As for me, I'm going to sleep."  She yawned.  "It's been a long day, and it's not about to get any easier."  She rose, followed by Kuro, Ochika, and Shiro.  They all said their goodnights, leaving Aoshi, Okina, and Kenshin to contend with Megumi's mood.
 The three men exchanged tacit glances.  None of their approaches had worked.  An unspoken agreement passed between them - it was time for a full frontal assault.
     "Megumidono.  I know we couldn't change your mind about going if we wanted to -- and we don't.  It's just as important to us that you find your family again if you can as it is to you.  We all feel that way," Kenshin said softly.  "But you shouldn't travel alone."
     "I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to you, Megumisensei!!!"  Okina was laying it on really thick, and clearly enjoying himself.  "I can't beg you not to go, but can I beg you to take me with you?  You can't possibly mean to leave me under this sour apple's care, now, could you?"  He gestured broadly at Aoshi, rolling his eyes in mock desperation.
     "Hmph."  Aoshi hadn't smiled since receiving the letter, and now was no exception.  It was true that he had become far more expressive in the past few months, if not years, but once he had realized how serious Megumi was, he had retreated back into his old shell.  Confirmation of her hopes made it worse, and he was almost as talkative as he had been after the loss of his four followers, resting in a nearby clearing.  Which is to say, it was impressive enough for him to have said all that he did that evening.
     "Jiya...  I'm not incapable of caring for myself, if that is your concern," she said, her pride showing sharply.  "And while I am flattered by your attention...  I think..."  Kenshin had to stifle a snigger, and even Aoshi almost smiled again at that, "that you'd best be more concerned with the Oniwa Banshu than one lone woman doctor.  You have people all over, and I little doubt you've put the word out that I must be looked after at all costs," she finished, clearly feeling oppressed by such treatment.
     Kenshin was a little taken aback at her vehemence.  "Megumidono, I don't think it's the worst idea in the world to have friends looking out for you.  No matter where you are, a friend is a good thing to have around."  He tried to smile encouragingly, but found it difficult to do so when confronted with her flashing dark eyes.
     "Kensan, I'd hoped you at least might understand me in this!"  She felt betrayed somehow, as if she were doing something wrong in their eyes by wanting to find her family and do what she felt was right in her heart.  She'd hoped that the former rurouni might understand her need to find a home, having lost everything once before and afraid to lose it again once she'd found something to fill that void.  In a way, she found herself getting TOO comfortable here, and the idea of Aoshi's attraction for her gave her a warm feeling that even her brief relationship with Cho hadn't managed.  It was hardly a one-sided thing, she knew, but how on earth could she possibly make such a thing work?  Her home was gone, her family was gone, and she still hadn't accepted that loss completely.  Knowing how restless it made her, as he surely must know, how could he possibly expect her to be able to return his feelings?
     And then there was always Kensan...  Who had always defeated Aoshi in the past, with every dream he'd had.  And she loved him yet.  Married or not, she loved him as much as she ever had.  She wasn't incapable of loving someone else, but he had to know as well that he was not the first love to capture her heart and could never fill the Kenshin-shaped hole there.
     "Oro..."
     "This is my family, my brother I'm looking for.  It has no bearing on anyone but me, and I have much to confess, if it is him."  Her voice softened as she lost steam.  "I don't even know if he'll want me to stay, after all I've done."
     The three men stared at her.  None of them had ever realized how deeply her experiences had stuck with her until she said it; they'd all believed she'd made her peace with her past.  Each of them desperately reviewed anything they could think of, in everlasting hindsight is 20/20 fashion, to see if they might have missed signs.  Then a new fear came to them, first Aoshi and Kenshin almost at once, just before Jiya caught on.
     "Megumi."  Aoshi's normally soft voice was almost inaudible, but the only other indication of the strength of his feelings was the slight tightness around his eyes that she might have detected if she had been looking.  The others didn't miss it, however.
     "I promise you all, I can handle someone attacking me, if it comes to that.  But why should anyone attack one lone woman, anyway?  I'm clearly not wealthy, or worth any attention," she said condescendingly, and by some subtle shift in bearing, a slight change of posture, became exactly as invisible as she described.  "With the right clothes, I'll age about twenty years, and people will go out of their way to avoid the crazy old woman," she finished, with a faraway, glazed expression accompanied by the occasional twitch.
     "She's good," Okina murmured, wide-eyed with awe at this display of heretofore hidden talent.
     "When you work in a certain field, and understand what's what, it's easy to use it to suit your needs," Megumi said, just as suddenly and completely herself.
     Three heads nodded slowly.  "Well, I think I'm giving up and calling it a night.  If you change your mind, Megumisan," Okina said, dropping the name he saved for special occasions, "please do let me know."  He bid them goodnight and quietly left the room.
     Aoshi rose not moments later.  "Oyasumi nasai," he said as he too slipped out.
     "Aoshidono?"  Kenshin caught the eye of the taller man, and with the kind of understanding shared only by two men who had loved the same woman and fought the same opponents -- and each other -- could share, Kenshin knew it was up to him, and that he was committed to keeping Aoshi's secret.  It wouldn't be difficult, really; keeping his own feelings away had made it second nature.  He loved his wife deeply, but part of him would always love the doctor who understood him better than anyone else.  But that was the past, now; perhaps Aoshi might share Megumi's future.
     "Hai?"  The tall man knew, and understood.  He depended on Kenshin's honor, but also on the woman's love for him to keep her from doing anything foolish.  If Kenshin could make her promise not to try to kill herself again, she wouldn't.  Aoshi didn't trust himself to be able to get her to make such a promise.
     "Daijoubu de gozaru.  Oyasumi," he said, shaking his head for Megumi's benefit.  The other nodded and left, lingering outside for a little.
     Kenshin and Megumi sat for long moments, she studying the grain of the floorboards while he watched her.  "It isn't about protecting you, Megumidono."  Kenshin pondered what to say, and Megumi remained silent.  "It's a major change in your life.  Not everyone likes change that much..."  He found himself smiling wryly; his old life and much of his newer one had proved that all too often.  "It has more to do with friends being there for other friends.  Kaoru told me she wouldn't want to be alone if she were in your place.  So did Yahiko.  We heard from Sano recently.  He's in America after all, if you're interested."
     Megumi nodded, but her heart clearly wasn't in it.  "Kensan, if it is him, and he doesn't acknowledge me after everything, then all I've worked for is for nothing."
     "Then all those people you've helped mean nothing?"
     She looked at him.  "That isn't how I meant it."
     He nodded.  "I know, Megumidono.  Just remember that no matter how dark things seem, you're never alone."
     Slowly, incredulously, she stared at him.  Other words echoed through her head.  As long as you're honest with yourself and those around you, someone will be there even when you can't see clearly.  "It...  No...  But..."
     "Oro?"  Clearly confused, Kenshin blinked at her.
     "You couldn't possibly have written it," she said, "but those are the exact words...  Do you remember, when I was involved with Cho, and we left Kyoto...  Someone slipped me a note."  She pulled it out of her sleeve, and Kenshin could see how very worn it had become over the past few years.  At once he recognized the writing, disguised as it was; even if he hadn't already known about Aoshi's feelings, he could have guessed.  "No, Megumidono.  It wasn't from me... but I could almost wish it were."  The last was said so softly that she couldn't be sure he'd even spoken the words.
     "So who could it be from?  And how did you..."
     Kenshin shook his head.  "Suman de gozaru, Megumidono.  I couldn't say."