I sighed happily, leaning my head on his bare chest.  We had the place to ourselves, guaranteed.  It was my own apartment, after all, though I'd hardly lived in it since the night almost a year before, when I'd fled into the darkens during a raging storm.  Usually I left the door open when I was here to anyone who needed me, but not today.
    It was important that we have our time alone, since we rarely had a spare moment together.  Now that he was working, too, it was important for us to tend to our responsibilities, so we treasured days like this.  I was thrilled that Genzaisensei had agreed to let me keep the apartment even though he might have gotten rent from someone who would use it more often, though now it was mostly used for an extra sickroom.
    I curled up closer to him, reveling in the warmth of him so close to me.  We had talked about it before, but he timing had never been quite right.  Normally, I was too nervous, too afraid.  There had been that one time, however, that Yahiko had almost walked in on us at the dojo....
    I murmured something against his skin, just to feel it beneath my lips.  Once I'd recovered from my illness, I'd become too much at home in the Kamiya Dojo to stay away very long.  Oddly, even Kaoru no longer resented my presence, and we'd become good friends at last.  Of course, every now and then a little of our old antagonism would arise, but we got over those moments quickly.
    I moved around on my love's lap, looking up into his eyes from where I lay in the semi darkness.  Such expressive eyes...  We had already spent the better part of an hour talking and kissing, but I was beginning to feel restless.  I wanted...  more.
    I leaned up to kiss him again, loving the feel of his hard body under my hands, the way his lips played with mine.  He had stripped to the waist long before, leaving his beautiful chest bare for me, but I was beginning to think beyond that point.
    It frightened me, how much I was beginning to want him.  Of course, I had felt desire for him before, but this time, it was different.  More powerful.  I craved him, craved every inch of his magnificent body, ached to know him completely.
    Yet, I was afraid of my desire, even more afraid of how it would hurt.  He had never hurt me, and I knew he never would, but then, this was different.  This had hurt before, so deeply that I couldn't shake the fear despite all logic.
    I looked up into those captivating eyes and kissed him again, shifting my body against his in such a way that he couldn't not know what I wanted.
    His hands loosened my kimono at the top, easing their way down, caressing my neck gently, easing their way down, freeing my breasts to the cool air.  I had not bound them up, and they fell free of the confines of the sot fabric as eagerly as his hands sought them.  I shifted again and kissed him, sitting up and facing him, running my hands over his chest even as he did it to me.  I moved again and my kimono loosened further, until I pulled away and stood looking down at the man I loved with desire in my every move.
    I as stepped back, my kimono fell to the floor and I stood before him, bare and aroused in the winter moonlight as he sat and gazed at me for a moment.  I had never shown myself to him this way.  Always before it had been glimpses, partly revealing my skin to him but never my entire body.  I knew it would have impact, but the look of surprise on his features was almost too much, and my knees went weak.  I began to shiver, kneeling down to pull my kimono up around me, but his hands rested lightly on mine as he knelt next to me, looking at me with a gentle smile.  I looked back and he put his arms around me, holding me to him, rocking me ever so slightly until I relaxed, curling up against his warmth, safe and secure in our love.
    I can't say how much time passed -- maybe only a few minutes, maybe most of an hour -- before I pulled away.  I stood again, in the middle of the pile of fabric that was my kimono, and smiled down at him.  He started to stand but I shook my head and he knelt to watch me again.  I shifted my weight, parting my thighs slightly as I ran my hands over my own body, caressing my breasts as he watched, swaying my hips slowly.
    I was enjoying myself, but that little finger of fear was trying to interrupt my moment.  I tried to ignore it.  So, I danced for him, swaying to some unheard rhythm, moving to the beat of my heart, rocking to the pulsing in my loins, my hands traveling the same route as his eyes around my body.
    I wanted his hands on me, wanted his lips, but it was harder to fight the growing tension that came from something less pleasurable than desire.  Kanryu had never made me dance, had never inspired desire in me, but the idea of a man taking me was frightening at the least.  I began to tremble, losing my rhythm, and my eyes dropped, away from his gaze.  I stopped dancing.
    He knew without asking, for he took me in his arms and held me as I stood naked and afraid.  I did not feel the need to cry.  It was safe.  I was safe, with the man I loved.  Not with someone out to hurt me.
    I looked up at him again, smiling a little nervously, and he stroked my hair gently.
    Finally I stopped shaking,, aware of his strong, warm body against mine, and I moved against him.  He stepped back, looked into my eyes for a moment and knelt again before me.
    What a picture we must have made in the dimly lit room.  I stood naked in the middle of the floor, my kimono pooled around my feet, my hair falling down my back save for the wisps that brushed over my nipples when I turned my head.  And the man kneeling at my feet, bare to the waist, with his hands cupping my breasts, lips poised and breathing on one sensitive nipple as I rested my hands on his shoulders.   I wondered how we must look to an outsider.  Were we simply lovers, or was he a supplicant come to beg of the bounty of his goddess?
    It felt to me like the latter as his lips caressed my nipple.  I found myself pulling his head closer to me, thrusting  my breasts harder into his mouth as I pressed his face more urgently between them.
    When his hand stroked its way down my stomach I thought I must surely collapse.  We had never gotten even this far before, and as he found the hard nodule of ecstasy hidden between my thighs I froze again, black icy fear overwhelming the pleasure he sought to give me.
    He made soft shushing sounds, keeping his hand very still as he stood, pulling me close to him once again and again smoothing my hair with his free hand.
    "I'm afraid."
    "I'll stop."
    "No."  I looked at him, forced myself to move my hips around his hand.  "I want it."
    "I know.  But we'll take it slow."
    I nodded.  It made such sense when he said it.  I didn't have to please him just because he was ready.  I could take my time.  It was our time now.  There was no rush, I was not to be forced.  I rested my head on his shoulder and fell in love with him again as he held me.
    Slowly the ice retreated from my veins and I looked up into his eyes and said once more:  "I want it."
    "Are you sure?"
    I shifted my body around his hand.  "Yess."  I kissed him savagely as his fingers began to move again, and my knees did at last give out.  He lowered me gently until we knelt, his fingers easing me past my fears.
    Suddenly I knew.  It was a simple matter of now or never.  I couldn't be afraid forever.  I loved him.  I tried to open his pants, but  could barely focus on my fingers.  I couldn't bear to stop pressing my hips to his, feeling him hot and firm through the white fabric.
    "Are you sure," he whispered again.  I could only nod.
    He rose swiftly and before I could even focus, had stepped out of the offending clothing and knelt next to me again, his hand caressing the silk heat of my desire.
    I touched him for the first time.
    Of course, I had touched men before.  There was Kanryu's torture, there had been my patients' through years of being a doctor, but this was completely different.  I had never touched a man I cared for this way.  I was afraid, but it was so soft, silky smooth and so solid, pulsing with heat.  It was so smooth!  For some reason it amazed me.  I'd never known, never had the chance to understand.  But then the way he moaned softly as I began to caress it paralyzed me.
    "Please."  He opened his eyes and looked at me then, his tone changing..  "It's okay.  Say the word and I'll stop."
    I could only stare at him.  He started to pull away from me but I couldn't bear that.
    "No!  No."  I kissed him feverishly.  "I want it.  Want you.  I want to make you happy."  I pressed against him, forcing him to lie down, straddling his hips.  I could feel him now, eager and hot, so close to my own need.  I rubbed against him, sliding along his shaft, caressing it between wet, warm lips, watching him watch me as I ran my hair around his face, chest, and neck.
    "Are you sure."  The final question.  My hand was on his shaft and I held him at that gateway so closely guarded.  I said nothing, only guiding him inside me, easing myself down along him, moving very slowly.  I cried out a little and he froze with me.
    "No, it only hurts a little, don't stop now," I spoke softly as I came down all the way.  I sat still, looking at the man who lay beneath me.  I had never been on top, with Kanryu -- it had been a threat no doubt to his dominance.
    When it stopped hurting as much, I shifted my hips away from him, slowly, then back again just as slow.  I winced a little, but it already hurt much less.  I decided to get inventive, ignoring that cold nibble at the base of my spine.  I would NOT let the fear overwhelm me again.  This felt too wonderful.   I circled my hips as I rose again, circling my way down.  He groaned and thrust up towards me, his hands resting on my hips.
    "Take your time."  It was sweet of him, but time was not what I wanted.  Part of me knew it was a race against time now, conquering the fear.  I was making love and war at once, and I was determined to win the one and maintain the other.  Suddenly I knew exactly what I wanted.
    I circled my hips again.  "Watch me."  And as I straddled him, kissing his manhood with my lower lips, I began to touch myself.  "I want you to watch me."  And he did.
    My body knew what it wanted.  My fingers danced around my clitoris and I felt him growing inside me -- or perhaps I was getting tighter.  He leaned up on his elbows, watching me as I moved atop him, growing more and more tense.  He must have had superhuman control even over this even to seem to remain so calm even as I came closer to losing it.
    "I want you to come with me, over the edge, fall with me..."  I pleaded.  "My love."  I was getting dizzy; everything felt solid and tense.  Something was going to break, it had to break soon, I would die if it didn't.
    The world faded from view and I was a few inches of flesh, a tunnel around a fountain pouring forth its bounty and filling me, giving me the gift of my freedom as I found my release.  We moved together in perfect rhythm to what I'd heard called once the oldest dance in the world.
    Every song, sadly, must end, and slowly I faded back into awareness.
    "Anata."  I whispered.
    "Aishiteru."  I love you.
    "My beloved.," I whispered back, and I fell asleep with him, lying atop him in a warm haze of relaxed joy.
    Something woke him first, because he was lying in silence, watching me sleep with a small smile.
    "Welcome back to the world of the living."
    "I've never felt so alive," I purred.  He smiled.  "Anata..  thank you.  I can't -- no matter what I say, it would be weak.  I feel weak.  In many ways,"  I smiled back at him, half teasing and half serious.  "I kept freezing.  I kept remembering how it would hurt, how I had felt.. Then.  And I got so scared, I couldn't go on, I couldn't move --"  I was tensing again, this time with unhappiness.  He silenced me with a finger to my lips.
    "I understand.  Let's not say anything now.  Just be next to me."
    Now, how could I argue that?
    Easily.  I opened my mouth.  "No.  Wait.  Let me just -- I think it... It had to be now or never.  I had to get over it now or I never would.  When I went out, that night, I went because I had to go or I never would.  This..  making love I needed to understand the same way.
    "Thank you for being with me," I sighed, smiling into his eyes.
    I felt him sigh as I nestled my head on his chest.
    "Aishiteru, Megumi."
    "Aishiteru," I sighed as I drifted off again into the afterglow.

    Kaoru decided to stop by the clinic on her way back tot he dojo when she remembered that Genzaisensei had taken the girls to visit his sister, but perhaps Megumi would be there.
    She sighed to herself.  No, today had been Megumisan's day off, and she would only be available for emergencies.  She didn't think a spot of loneliness counted, but one never knew.  Megumi had been a good friend to her, in spite of the teasing.
    She was near the window as she laid her bokken against the doorway.  She heard the sounds of soft conversation within.  She tried to look into the window but could see nothing -- the curtains were drawn.  That was odd.  Megumi rarely drew the curtains when she was in unless...
    Kaoru crept around to the other window and noticed the curtains were not as tightly drawn.
    "I hope she's all right.  Just to make sure, I should look," she told herself as she peered in.
    She wasn't very much surprised to see two figures on the floor, entwined in contented sleep.
It hurt, a little.  They were well suited for each other.  One could never tell.  Kaoru sighed again.
    "Someday, it will happen for me."  she shrugged to herself and forced a smile.  "Someday."  She picked up her bokken and started back for home.