Part IV:  Twilight

    The dojo was quiet.  Genzaisensei had taken Suzume and Ayame home after dinner, and Sano had gone to his apartment looking distracted.  Megumi was sitting with Kaoru in the dojo, talking quietly about fashions and avoiding by tacit agreement the topic that hurt most.
    The subject of their unspoken thoughts had gone back outside to watch the sun set, deeply wrapped in thought.  Yahiko had headed to the restaurant to watch Tsubame work, deny it though he might later.  The air of the dojo was just too oppressive and tense for his preferences that evening anyway.
    Kenshin watched the sun vanish over the horizon, barely noticing the magnificent red gold hues that painted the treetops before sticking his head inside.  "I'm going to go for a walk.  I'll be back before very late."
    "Do you want company, Kenshin?"  Kaoru smiled, half hopeful and half worried, but Megumi laid a hand on the younger woman's arm.
    "I think Kensan needs some time to think.  Let him go.  He can handle himself," she smiled at the former hitokiri as he left.  "Besides, Kaoruchan, you and I are in the middle of a woman to woman talk."
    Kenshin smiled to himself.  It was good to see them getting along, even if it had to happen under such trying circumstances.  They were good, loyal friends, each special in her own way, but now...
    "Tomoe."  His steps were headed towards town, though in his minds eye saw not the road but images of her flashing by.  Tomoe with that look of hurt and hate.  Collapsing in a muddy, bloody street near a newly made corpse.  Smiling at him with her hair down.  Kneeling in the garden they had grown together.
    Lying in his arms with a wound from his own blade.
    He looked up to find himself near Megumi's apartment, where he'd believed he'd last seen his first love.  The streets about him were nearly empty.  Only a few people were about at all, mostly in small groups coming and going to work, to bars, or to their families.
    "Nee-chan."  He tried the word out on his tongue.  "My nee-chan.  Megumidono."  He shook his head in vague bemusemnt.  "Me-nee?  Megu-nee?  No, better stick with Needono."  It was a odd idea, and yet powerfully touching.  He was not as clueless as the others seemed to believe...
    It was flattering to know the beautiful doctor felt so strongly for him.  More than once, he'd entertained the idea of loving her, of taking off her doctor's smock and learning about the woman inside.  He'd sometimes wondered what it might be like to lie with her, hold her in his arms and experience her fully.
    It was a foolish idea, he knew, though not unpleasant.  She had been through too much already without him wrecking her hopes even further.  Besides, it was obvious to everyone how much Sanosuke cared for her, and he knew she had already begun to learn to care for the young hothead in return.  They had an interesting way of showing it, though...
    Not to mention this family issue, while a powerful and important one, did somewhat put a damper on any other sort of relationship.
    And then, there was also Kaoru...
    She was barely more than a girl.  He'd been her age when he first met Tomoe, and she'd been toddling around her father's dojo when he was already known as the Hitokiri Battousai.  And yet, her very youth and vitality, her outspoken manner and overall innocence fascinated him.  She was something like the proverbial breath of fresh air, complete with gentle moments and violent mood swings.
    He'd thought about her, too, imagined what it would be like to love her as the woman she was becoming, to lie in her embrace.  To know what she was like behind the short temper and intense manner.  What was the soft side of Kaoru like?  He'd only had glimpses, but they were enough.
    And yet, Tomoe...
    Quiet, strong, gentle Yukishiro Tomoe who had fallen into his life, his heart, and finally his arms.  Sweet, caring Tomoe who'd looked beyond the angry young hitokiri who'd killed her first fiancee to find a completely different man inside.  Determined Tomoe who'd cried when too much rain had fallen and harmed their small field, who had vanished after six months of learning and growing and, at last, loving.
    Tomoe, who had had believed dead by his own hand for over a decade.
    It was part of the reason his own desire unnerved him.  To imagine these things about the women in his life was one thing, but the nearest hint of such a reality, the very possibility that he might, in fact, love again...  It was too much, even after all this time.  He didn't think he could stand to lose someone he loved.  Not again.
    Even after ten years...
    "Tomoe."  He walked on, barely aware of his surroundings, his instincts warning him of obstacles and pedestrians.  Slowly, he wandered the streets, unable to shake the last look he'd seen on her face ten years before, the last thing he remembered that cold day.
    Something made him look up again.  A familiar scent caressed his senses, hitting him harder than any weapon in the most intense battle.
    "Oro...?"
    A woman had rounded the corner just ahead and was walking in his direction, head down.  She could not have seen him yet, he thought as he looked at her.  Those hands, that walk...
    "Tomoe?"  He spoke it aloud, without realizing he did until the woman looked up.
    She blinked.  "A...  nata?"